"but for now, im out in the hideout. far enough outside of town
you can come .. you can stay
if theres something you need to get away
from

did you forget? you said you wouldnt forget..

look at that green out thorugh the screen
after a quick rain came
so fast that there wasnt time
to roll up the window and pull the clothes down off the line
but i dont care
it was so dry
the grass is happy and i sing, "so am I"

cause im through
thinkin about you"

pezzyann was fooled on 5:42 p.m..

SO, my birthdays tomorrow.. yip-ee
going downtown tonight. im gonna need my dancin shoes *smiles* mikes not goin though. he dont have the money. he said the other night that hed come anyways. i kinda knew that he wouldnt when the time came. oh my. :0( I know he feels bad, and i want to cry over it cause i really did wanna spend the night with him. i offered to buy him hes drinks. (he dont even drink that much anyways) *huge sigh* gotta love birthdays

jenn is here now. we ran to the mall before she came. so she was an hour here by herself. god bless her heart. i felt some bad. but we went to pick up some babies (fishies) im so happy that shes here now. I cant wait to start drinkin tonight. and dirnk and drink and drink and drink.

my birthdays tomorrow and i can bet all the money in the world that none of the girls will call me. its kinda sad, a few years ago, i wouldve cared. dont really care now. if they care about me enough to just call and say happy birthday, great. if not, then oh well. i cant make them think about me or care about me, so theres not a whole lot I can do. Im not gonna cry over it. (in public anyways. i might just crawl away by myself and have a little bawl. we used ot be so close. what happened anyway??)

mikes out cookin kraft dinner. i love him to death, but i dont really like him right now. :-( I really wanted him to go tonight. im soo disapointed. and he knows it too, so now im just telling him that i dont want him to come at all. if i dont let him come or say that i dont want him there, then maybe he wont feel so bad. cause its not that he didnt WANT to go, but hes not there cause i didnt WANT him there.
total lies though, cause i want him there more then anything. he doesnt even HAVE to dance. just for him to be there with me would be nice. oh well. lifes a bitch sometimes. at least i have him to come home to everynight. which is more then some people can say. im lucky, i know.. but it isnt fair! :-( oh well.

anyways i must be off. maybe get a nap before we start drinking.
mike T invited me to a weddin in july. i relly cant wait. it sounds like a good time. hes a great guy. god love him.

les

pezzyann was fooled on 5:39 p.m..

So, i went to cona. freekin waste of my time. what an adventure. i sat in this little smelly office and waited for 15 minutes for a funny lookin man with one arm in a sling to call my name. went into his crappy little yellow office (that kinda reminded me a little of baby puke) the sun glaring in my eyes while i tried not to cry. (the crying, youll see why later) i sat there and listened to him tell me that writing wasnt even offered here or anywhere near here. -lovely. so i figured, hmm, maybe upgrading?? not available. (okay. i AM in a school, right????) so i though, alright then, maybe collage transfer year. cause my grades arent wonderful. enough for cona, but not for mun. okay, so i can only do that in carbonear, not town. so i was like, okaaaay, and hes lookin at me with this fuckin little grin on his face and i wanted to slap it off. or kick it. -kicking would probably be more fun. hes smilin and gigglin the whole time, being all jerky. "well," he said "youre kinda running out of options. anything esle i can help you with?"
-needless to say i got upa nd left before i did somehting that would get me arrested. so i guess school it out.

*huge sigh*

i guess i can suffer at convergys untill someone comes along and reconizes my beauty and asks me to be a plus size model. hehehe or sees that im an inspiring actress and hire me for a movie thats gonna hit the millions and go to # 1 for months.
or i heard wendys is hiring. maybe ill give that a shot
hehe

mikes yellin at me to peal potatoes. (yuck) i guess i should go. i remember the first time i pealed potaoes , (it was only a couple months ago) i had grocerie bags over my hands (not wanting to get the dirty and stinky!!) and the fukers kept slippin off. so i never had potatoes first or last. not i know though, that you wash them first, then peal
lol
oh my
sometimes im covinced that im a blonde

les

pezzyann was fooled on 6:07 p.m..

Well you live out
Where the street ends
In a basement apartment
With one of your friends

And the tap drips all night
Water torture in the sink
The furnace is burnin' but it's still cold
I think

I can smell the bleach
That they use in the hall
But it can't clean the dirt off for me
It's seeping under the door
And across the floor
It's starting to hurt

Everytime I breathe
Everytime I try to leave
Everytime I breathe

Now the toaster sticks
And the empties are piled
I haven't been upstairs
In awhile, now

I gotta wash the sheets on my bed
I've gotta watch those things that go unsaid
God I wish we'd leave it at this

Amd every evening
You open the door
You come down

There's nothing
Like watching TV
All night
Underground

And no one is watchin me slide
The low street level bareley alive

Now we live out
Where the street ends
In a basement apartment
Just like our frriends

We always said that we were different
But you know now that we weren't
Cos there's holes in all the bottles
And my lungs hurt

Everytime I breathe
Everytime I try to leave
Everytime I breathe

pezzyann was fooled on 5:05 p.m..

So it's 11:40 am. mikes in bed snoozing away. im up, have been in the shower, got my breakfast eat, and now im bored
why am i even awake??
ive got an app with CONA today at 3. ive gota talk to some man about courses and shit that i can take and that are available. I wont get my hopes up. I know theyre gonna tell me wont be avail and im gonna have to stay at work and answer idiots all day long. oh god! I hope I can get to school.

Jenn will be here in just a few days. I seriously cant wait. I miss my girlfriends. I miss having little slumber parties in my room where we danced in little panties and bras and took "very serious deep pictures" (which i dont even have developed yet) I miss laughing about nothing and crying over the boys that broke our hearts. i miss drinking up on the track and having a laugh. I miss being cold in the snow (still drinking on the track like little idiots hehe) and I miss the boys. I miss amy, gina.. the way we all were. ... the simple life (which at the time just seemed soo difficult and complex) I miss little teen dances, slow songs.. oh my. When did I get so old anyways?? things were just so much easier then. I hate the way we are now..

my birthday will soon be here. I feel so old. I cant wait, mind you.. But still.

anyways i must get going. its 12:30. it fels like ive been sittin on this wooden chair in front of the comp forever. (like i dont sit on my ass enoguh in the daytime) hehe

so ill write some more later
maybe stick in a poem or too..

pezzyann was fooled on 12:33 p.m..

Here I am ..
Alone again

Half-ass smiling because you

think Im cute
but not beautiful

pezzyann was fooled on 9:21 a.m..

I stood outside, by myself on my last break. Its 6:30. the sky is just turning orange and pink, its so cold I shiver, but its beautiful. The sea-gulls are screamin and crying. It all reminds me of home .... The sun light shining off the windows next door remind me or Toronto and of walking to work at 7 in the morning. (to work, which seems to occupie all my time these days)

Its newfoundland, yet I feel like New York. Im sure Im just wasting away here.. working, smoking, eating, sleeping. Day by day everything gets faster, but everything seems to be moving so slow.

Im talking to a man with 5 computers in one room and one in the kitchen. (because who doesnt do their online taxes, pay online bills and chat to people while youre cooking??) where is this world headed?? hHes talking about networking cords and configurations for his main mother board like hes something smart.

All i wanna do is go home, crawl in my big new robe, go to bed and cry. -or sleep.maybe im just so tired that im uset for nothing. maybe Im delusional. (maybe i can sue convergys or comcast for slowly making me insane)

Jenns gonna be here in a week. An actual girl to talk to. since I moved in here, I dont exactly have my girlfriends anymore. Shes comin in to start over new. I did the same, but I think i just got lost. this is an immitation, small talk over rated city with a decent name. if it werent for mike, i would have givin up long ago. god love and bless him. Ill probably live and die here. But still,

I feel like New York

pezzyann was fooled on 6:58 p.m..