So I figured that id update again. an actual one this time. not just lyrics or something :-)

Things are going ok here, i suppose

oh my god though, crazy thing happened tonight!
so i was in the kitchen, cookin some supper. and i had the ham on the stove and i was standing back on to it, gettin the rice ready at the counter. anyway, i hear this huge bang and glass shatter.. i just out of my skin, messed myself a little (lol) and turned around and there was thousands of pieces of glass everywhere!
talk about me and robyn lookin, trying to find out where the glass came from.
me and her lookin up in the stove fan thingie, checking the bottles, the ceiling. lol. dont know what it was we were looking for.
anyway, then i reaised we were missing our big glass caserol dish!
it had exploded!
it was left on the bruner with a cookie sheet laid on top of it and i accidently turned on the wrong burner. guess the dish got hot and it seriously exploded into a bunch of pieces. there was glass everywhere. all over the kitched, down all the burners, behind the stove, in robyns room. i was shocked.
theres some kind of hex on our apartment. i mustve done something REALLY shitty in a past life or something. or something is tellin us to get the hell out of this apartment!
if we didnt have bad luck, wed have no luck at all!
so anyway, yeah, we had a little glass explosion.
could have been worse though. i couldve been facing the stove and got it all in my face and eyes.

oh, i also put in my 2 weeks notice at wal-mart! im going to be gettin more shifts at moneystop though. so ill only be working 20 days on, one day off.. instead of everyday.
Ill get a day off! and not have to worry about figuring out the schedule and dealing wth gettin off at 12 am, doing the deposit at 5am, then gettin up for walmart at 8am. i tell you.. thats tough.
so anyway, thats it. im glad. im gonna lose my discount card though. :-( and me and robyn DO have fun there. we used to dance a lot and get the fellas on the go. and theres cutie store-standard that im gonna miss seeing walk by. lol Im sure ill just go back to being creepy photolab lurker.
im good at that.

mike is in bed snoring away. hes all stretched out and silly. man, hes cute when hes sleeping. untill he talks and then hes mean in his sleep. but hes a very cute mean sleeper. he gets all confused and stuff too. like there a little while ago i sat on the bed and combed my hair and he kinda woke up, looked at me and was like, "why am i on your couch?" i was like, what my baby? he said, why am i on your couch? where is mine?
and he was all serious and confused and cute.
then rolled over ad was like "your couch is comfy anyway.." and went back to sleep.
hehe
oh my. hes my old fart.
he also makes fun of my little toe cause he says its a little pointy. okay, really pointy. hahahlike a little cone head. i think its cause all the pointy toe high heal shoes i wear all the time.
ohh the price you pay for beauty.
i mean, really.. who needs a pinky toe anyway?
hah

ive been craving for jann arden lately. time for mercy.. unloved.. give me back my heart.
good lord
all the songs that make me want to sit and cry. kinda like when she first walked out on stage and i bawled!
lol
remember that?
hahaha
it was like, please welcome.. Jann Arden! *WHAAAAAAAAAAAA* tears just flying everywhere.

I am constantly losing my iternet connection.
it is driving me insane.
talk about me powercycling and releasing and renewin.
im a lean mean ipconfig machine.

anyway i guess this is long enough for now. its after 12 and ive got to go to bed.

ive updated my picture site.
www.justlesley.piczo.com


*its a little too late for sorry now.... It's time for mercy.. It's time for mercy.. It's time for mercy.. MeRcY Me*

pezzyann was fooled on 3:13 a.m..

Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother standing by
With my brother standing by
I said Brother, you know you know
Its a long road weve been walking on
Brother you know it is you know
it is Such a long road weve been walking on

And I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my sister standing by
With my sister standing by I said Sister,
here is what I know now
Here is what I know now Goes like this..

In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

But sister you know Im so weary
And you know sister My hearts been broken Sometimes,
sometimes My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone
When Ive thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When Ive lost all care for the things I own
Thats when I miss you,
Thats when I miss you,
Thats when I miss you

You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now Goes like this..

In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

Well I had a dream I
stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by

pezzyann was fooled on 4:02 a.m..

I've been naughty all year!

So things have brightened up a little
well
not really

lol

mike lost his position at work
we lost the company truck

and then for an extra foot up the ass ... the legs COMPLETELY broke off our bed. now we sleep on just a matress on the floor
lol

kick us when were down! thats what i say!

but im feeling a litte better now. thank god. tough times..
but hey, like i said, it couldve been much much worse. couldve lost a lot more.
i finally got the internet back up!
thanks to vera who gave us a modem

knows i cant live without my internet!
well thats it for now
i suppose i must go on and get some ice cream and go to bed.
well, sit into bed... on the floor
lol

ohhh if we didnt have bad luck wed have no luck at all!

pezzyann was fooled on 2:29 a.m..

we had a flud.
we have pretty much lost everything. we have no furniture in our living room.
Nothing but big huge fans and dehumidafyers (however you spell it) mike lost his position at his job and has been transfered somewhere he hates.we are losing the company truck.we are back to square one again. mike has been sleeping at a friends house for the last week. me and robyn havebeen sharing a futon thats piled into my bedroom with the rest of our waterlogged furniture. we are back to square one and its killing me. we worked so hard for everything just to have everything taken away again and im tryingto be strong and act like its okay.. im trying to do the whole "we always make it through" bullshit speach but i cant even anymore. im sittin on the floor in our living room, fans blowing my hair all around, its so hot here, the sweat is just rolling down my back and i have no one. i have no one and nothing and i cant even pretend anymore.all i want to do it lay down somewhere cool and dark and cry untill theres nothingleft inside of me to come out.cry untill my tears form something that can get me out of here...i just want to cry but i know its no use. cryin isnt going to bring back the cealingin taco time. crying isnt going to reverse the damage done. crying isnt going to put the carpet back on the floor and the furniture back in our living room. Crying isntgoing to clean the dishes that have been in out kitchen since last saturday. the kitchen thatwe have no access too. Crying isnt going to change the fact that i brush my teeth in the tub because we dont have access to a sink..crying isnt going to get mikes job back and its not going to get the truck back.crying isnt going to bring me home, which right now, is the only place i want to be.crying isnt going to fix anything. ive said since ive been here.. one step forward, 2 steps back. the town seemsto kick us when were down the lowest.. no one is willing to help. I am alone.I am alone and I have the flu and i dont have an apartment and i had to sleep in thehallway for the first night and i cant get to my closet to get clean clothes and i cant find half ofmy stuff, and mikes play station is ruined and my modem is ruined and stove needsto be cleaned and i need new shampoo and i need new bedsheets, i need a bed to sleep in, i need someone to hug, i need someone to tell me its okay because im saying it so often that it doesnt even sound real tome anymore. the words dont sound like mine.. like theyrenot coming from my mouth. from my body.
I just need all of this to be over. I need someone to help me fight becuase i just cant do it anymore.and i know this is all just the beginning. i know this is going to be long and hard and is it even worth it?ive got my shit packed up now, im almost ready to say forget it! and just get a ticket home.im just almost ready to give up.but i know people depend on me here. i know ive got to get up off the floor, whipe my eyes, blow my knows, fixmy hair and smile and reassure everyone that im fine and that itll be ok and not to worry about me. im fine, were goin to be fine. its going to be okay.

but is it? i mean reallly, is it going to be okay?is there a way to fix this?

I hate the feeling of being alone.
not being able to breathe. not being able to think straight.
sittin on a floor surrounded by a mess of the construction crews shit and nothing of my own..its so hot in here i cant breathe.
I cant think.
i cant feel.
i cant cry.
i cant do anything... but sit here alone. by myself. and pretend to smile.

pezzyann was fooled on 1:43 a.m..