I dont even know where to start this one..
*giggles*

well, first of all, if you wanna pick up a man, go to sirens. cause theres LOTS of them there

the first thing I saw was this small stage with cheesy green lights around it and a pole. and a huge fan (i guess it was because they had no air conditioning, no windows, and it was SMOLTERING in there.
And then i saw everyone goin around half NAKED. like with just a top on and their butts showing or just a bra and thong on.
first of all, me standing there in a pair of pants, I felt very overdressed
(but totally didnt think it would be great it i stripped down. lol)

I went to the bar to pay a crazy 5.25$ for a beer and saw the strippers gettin ready behind the bar. lol. curling their hair and stuff. in front of everyone to his little mirror. I was thihking, man give these girls a seperate room or something. or stick up a curton so they got some privacy.

anyways, onto the creeps..... *shutters*

while standing having a smoke with tammy, this guy comes up to be and hes all in my face. "smoke good?" he asked
"yup" i said. "some shockin good"
"you working here tonight?" he asked, very seriously
"do i look like im a stripper?" i asked back
that was the only part of that whole convo i remember. the rest i tried to block out. he eventually walked away.
while i was at the bar, some weirdo was rubbin my back. good thing i was all sweaty and it was gross. teach that fucker a lesson. lol
then after a while, the SAME creepy dud came back to me and hes like, "I love you!! do you love me?!?!" I laughed in his face.
"i love you, you look like you want a kiss. come on, kiss me"
" no thanks, " i said, "looks like your friend there wants a kiss, why dont you kiss him" I added, while pointing to the guy he had next to him.
again i blocked him out.. trying to ignore him. he kept mumbeling about how he loved me, and how i shut him down and it was like saying fuck you buddy or something. LOL Im sure hes gonna have a real bad hangover today... so me and tammy scurried away.

onto the strippers

it was real cheesy. something you see right off showcase. i was gettin a little laugh out of it, looked at tammy and spoke for a minute, then looked back.. and sweet jesus! the poor child was BUTT NAKED. not s trip of clothes on.
all of them kinda just squat their own boobs and spun around the pole in ugly shoes. this one missy came out though, and damn she could dance. and she was working the pole wicked. (you can tell she had experience) anyways, it was a really sexy dance untill she got naked. then i lost interest. she looked much much better in a small outfit then naked. they all did, really. anyways in the middle of watching, this older man came up to me and was lightly punching my shoulder and raising his eyebrows and if to say, yeah, eh?? mmmm or something. all i could think after that was , do i look like a fuckin man? lol
and then... this was kinda like the highlight for everyone that was there. TWO girls came up on stage, making out and flashin the boobs. then another one joined. and then ANOTHER one. i swear i though i was watching red shoe diaries or something.
and they were all dancing to slow sad songs. except the hot one who could dance. hers was nice and fast

i also find it funny that men go there together, so they can get off... together. lol as a group like. do guy friends get together and watch porn and stuff?

anyways, my whole night in a box, I got loaded, went and watched naked girls dance, laughed so hard i almost cried, avoided weirdos all night and all night i had the temptation to sit ther half naked too

lol
normal for a tuesday night i suppose


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pezzyann was fooled on 1:22 p.m..

Im sittin here eating this chocolate truffle thing from tim hortins
and god damn, its sweet
lookin at it makes my teeth start to hurt

mom and dad came in for the night the other day.
oh! lord, I wanted to go back home with them! say the fuck with all this! this is all way to hard anyways..
Im just gonna live there with them and let my mom scratch my back over and over untill I forget everything else.
of course I never and mom told me over and over how sad I looked (like she always did) while inside my heart was breaking.
-she used to hold me high up in her arms.. back when I was really little.
I just got off the phone with mom then and I mentioned I had a crappy night at work, she said I better get used to it cause I got 30 more years left. I said 30?!? she said , 'how else are you gonna have an income'
so I never said anything after that
I guess she thinks that Ill probably be a nothing. Ill get no where.She thinks Ill never go back to school.
I don't know. maybe shes right. I just dont know
I was just hoping that she, even if just a tiny bit, saw me as something more then I see myself

pezzyann was fooled on 8:03 p.m..

I hate work cause the chairs are stiffy
makes me wanna go outside and smoke a spliffy
theres something under my desk that is sticky
these americans are stupid and icky
sometimes you gets made and goes for an unscheduled smokey
I would too, but I gets chokey
yes, I hate my job lots and lots
and thinking of going there gives me the trots
sometimes the people makes me cry
but hearing you laugh helps the day go by

this was a card I wrote for tammy. we were both having a crappy night
the pictures I drew made the card even funnier
at least she laughed
*smiles*


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pezzyann was fooled on 7:54 p.m..

I forgot to mention our little mishap with the sunless tanner
oh dear
lets say it didnt come out well.
I have orange spotty feet and legs.
even the lady down the hall laughed at me...

pezzyann was fooled on 1:50 p.m..

last night I had a few people over
and for the first time in a long long time, I felt good.

I went home yesterday for the day. I miss mom. and I miss dad. I actually missed that house (which doesn't even seem real anymore) and all it did was bring me back
me and jenn went on the hunt for goats and got atacked by a transport truck
and we went on the swings and all I could do was remember ...
remember lying in the grass laughing
remember a group of us walkin down the road. so many we could block traffic if we wanted
remember holding hands while we were swimming
remember laying on the boards counting falling stars during one of those meder showers
remember wishing on all of them
I remembered all old birthday parties
I remember swinging on the exact same swingset, singing songs and seeing who can get the highest

that whole place brings me back.
sometimes I hate it, sometimes I need it.

poor ol jenn got some excited about the goats.
So I figured Id bring her to perve merves. And right I was, he had goats AND horses.
No cows though.. (giggles)
God love her.. She was like a kid on christmas morning. I cant wait for christmas just to see her crazy smile.

(I dont want your warm fruit! put dat shit in the fridge!)


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pezzyann was fooled on 1:18 p.m..

oh me name is it sam hall
and i hate yas one and all
youre a bunch of muggers all
damn your eyes

pezzyann was fooled on 11:56 p.m..

Its been a long time since Ive written anything
here I am listening to some old merril bainbridge, thinking
thinking ...
thinking ...
things were supposed to be so different for me.
I was actually watching dawsons creek a today and joey said something that for the first time, actually made sense to me.
when you enter kindergarden and the younger school years, you believed you can be anything... do anything. but year after year after year it becomes, maybe I can be this. I dont know if I can do that. I might be able to be this.. and everything that was once so certin becomes nothing but maybes. And as I get older and as time goes on, all I can think of is how differently I would do everything when I was younger. Id cry a little louder. Play with barbies and dolls for another year. I would not care what others though. Id smile more, Maybe laugh a little louder. I would try to stay a kid for as long as I could. I would do good in school. (even math) I would not rush to grow up. Cause here I am. Goin on 20. 20... and what have I done. where am I going.
All I really know is one thing. This is not it for me.
This is nothing but a speed bump.
And I know now, after thinking and thinking and thinking...
I know I can be someone.
And everyone is gonna know my name. when I walk into a room, everyone is gonna say, "hey, theres lesley again, god, I wish I were her.. doesnt she just have it all"
Maybe I can still be that.

hmm, theres that maybe again. Theres the grown up talking.
I think I need another year at kindergarden to straighten me out.

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pezzyann was fooled on 11:36 p.m..