I have heard this story before
youre left with nothing but
wanting more
first thing you reach for is the door
and you dont know
what you
leaving for

so come on sanctuary
I am gettin weary
of this silent city drone

of this silent city drone

of this silent city drone

and I know I should go home ...



*silent city drone by suzanne power*

pezzyann was fooled on 10:17 p.m..

A house is not a home
they say
and I said goodbye to the
walls that choked me
And I cried ..
I actually cried

I held the porcline doll
with a china face
and curles with flowers
in her hair
then price-tagged her life
after kissing her cheek
goodbye

I was about 12 years old
dancing barefoot in the grass
with butterflies and
dandelions
floating in the air and
the feeling was so sweet
it took my breath away

my laughter and tears
melted into these rooms
oh!
if these walls could talk
they would probbaly tell the
saddest story

(or sing the saddest song)

As we drove away
hand in hand with the man
I love
I thought all about the things
I'll never do again
and all the things I've already
done

I actually cried
All the way back untill
I saw the familiar lights
of this ugly city
which is now where I live

But this house will never be
my home
and I will never step foot
again
In the place that raised me

pezzyann was fooled on 9:48 a.m..

haha ohmygod, if you know me and perry you dont have to ask!
lets just say one bottle of "pills" a glass of coke (and many beer later) i was a very drunken suzann fan down to the fat cat tuesday night
lol

ive been very hungry all day. craving sweets. and cream cheese. lol why the hell i would crave for that, i dont know
but i just woke up form a long long way too long nap, i dreampt about amy and pancakes, me eating a lot of purple cake and jamie and red wine in funny bottles. now im eating left over pop corn from today, craving anything with cream cheese again and thinking about having another bagle.
this morning i wanted cream cheese so bad, i got in the freezer, dug out a pack of plain bagles thats been there since, id say, the 70s and had one for breakfast.
lol
smothered in some wondering cc. it was good!

mike is on the bed sleeping away
its 20 to 10 in the night! hes gonna have so much trouble sleeping. i threw a lot of things at him to wake him. batteries, a few lip glosses, even a magazine and he doesnt stirr.
so i just went and poured water on his back
now his pissed.
lol
and now hes gone back to sleep

sweet jesus. this is going to be a night



"hes In love with the bottle. hes in love with the machine. Hes in love with his music but he aint to much .. in love.. with me.
hes in love with his music im in love with mine too. we're in love with the bottle but were making it though. hes in love with the machine and i treat him so mean. im sorry baby will you love me too."

pezzyann was fooled on 9:33 p.m..

Bust: .50 inches
waist: .75 inches
abdomen: 1.75 inches
hips: .50 inches
thighs: 1 inch
oprah arms : 1 inch
weight 6 pounds
body fat %: .50%
(body fat weight 3.84 pounds)

and 11 curves dollers!

mmhmmm
can i get a woot woot

pezzyann was fooled on 7:47 p.m..

so the people that i quickly shunned from my life way back when are slowly creepin their way right back in.
i havent seen/talked or even through of them for years and here there are. All of a sudden all of them in my face all at once.
im almost smothered.

this morning is the canadian idol tryouts. i should be sittin there, in the uncomfortable chairs, nervous and gittery like last year. only this year, i would vow not to curse at them. Or towards them.
whatever.
Oh well. Ill just smile all day and tell myself that I love work And not think about what I miss. Everyday.
Ill just sit here and sing, I guess. which i cant even do too loudly.

oh well.
oh well.
oh fucking well!

And so it goes ...

pezzyann was fooled on 8:31 a.m..

its 8:34 am. Im up early. But I went to bed at like, 11. so I got all the much needed sleep I could handle.
Im eating ju jubes for desert (from eating count chocola cereal for breakfast) the yello ones taste like shit. but the rest are good.

I have become obsessed with a couple songs lately. Beauty by shaye and duncan by none other than sarah slean. I play duncan sometimes up really loud and I just scream with it. (i think it sounds better that way)

(whats the point in all this screaming.. no ones listening anyway)

not much news to report. Not much new goin on in my life right now. Im still sittin here, stuck between shit and hell. Work is work and Im so afraid to become a lifer.
but there really isnt anything else. That place is a freekin trap.

Im REALLY lookin into school.
I was thinking about doin office admin. but then I was like, I dont want to be someones secretary for the rest of my life. I want to HAVE one. Or at least, work in an office that has them. Even if just for more important people. :-)
So I went back to the idea of writing. (which I hav been going back and forth on)
like, majour in journalism/writing (whatever the course is called) and minor in social work and Psychology or something. Only think is, Im going to have to be a mature student to get into mun. and I dont even really know how I feel about going there.
so many things to work out.

cara came over yesterday. I was actually nervous at first! I havent seen her in so long.
But it was so great.
She hasnt changed a bit. Id know her in a room full of a million people that all looked the same.








"One day you will come back
With wrinkled hands and grey hair
And there you will stand on the spot
And you'll marvel how the place is still the same
Though you are somebody else now
Fly on butterfly"

pezzyann was fooled on 8:34 a.m..

So pick up your bagsLook around at your friends
And you know none of them
Would ever have enough strength
To cross the bridge and lose control
I never felt this bold
Never felt this good

pezzyann was fooled on 8:51 p.m..

Its 10:55 on a friday night. im sittin here in my pjs. writing in a blog that no one really reads.
have you ever watched a show or movie and saw what they have, then compare it to what you have?
have you ever desperately like ohmygod just wanna be anyone else or anywhere else then me and here.
like lord jesus thundering fuck what am i even doing?? - who am I?
Who are you?
and where the hell am I because this is not what i had planned when I was a little.
This isnt the way it's supposed to be.


gone

pezzyann was fooled on 11:01 p.m..